Downeast Dog News

Ask Bammy, an Advice Column for Dogs by a Dog

About Wild Animal Invasion
By Nancy Holmes | Mar 04, 2019


I am a Carolina Dog, a breed that long ago owned Native American people. We were designed by natural selection to be so intelligent and physically superior that we survived without human help. My great-grandfather was caught from the wild. I can offer advice based on the natural instincts and attributes of wild dogs. In addition, my adoptive person and I have had lots of training classes and other experiences. Some humans call themselves Mom or Dad of their dog, but I refer to my human, tongue in cheek, as Boss. Much as I love her, I admit she has many of the same odd notions as most humans, so I can relate to other dogs with problem humans. If I can’t help, at least I can offer sympathy, and we can have some fun talking about our amazing humans. Please send your questions! Bammy, 280 Pond Rd., Newcastle, ME 04553, or email:


About Wild Animal Invasion

As my readers may know, I am very fond of food and highly skilled at getting humans’ food. In the evening, Boss goes out to fill the bird feeder. (Why is she feeding BIRDS when her own dog is always hungry? I chase birds. They shouldn’t be getting free hand-outs here.) Recently, she left three loaves of bread dough to rise beside the wood stove. I guess she thought the hot stove would keep me away from them. Hah! When Boss came back in, I was just licking out the smallest pan, having swallowed the dough whole. Warm, soft, yeasty, delicious dough! Sometimes when I steal food, she barks at me, “Out! Out! Out!” and herds me outdoors. This time, not a sound. She just spread out her hands and ran me out the door. Cold and dark out, I barked and barked. When I finally came in, she kept worry-eyeing me. Why? About that yummy dough?? She backed me into a corner and poured some nasty stuff down my throat. And then, after a few minutes, she did it again. I didn’t growl or snap because I always trust her, but boy did I hate that!

We went out again, and she followed me with a flashlight. We just walked around, me smelling who might be coming across my borders, and she stivvering across the ice patches. I don’t worry about ice. My legs go every-which-way, but I have four, so I don’t fall down as often as she does. I smelled the foreign smell of deer sneaking in the dark - right across my driveway! I barked like crazy to drive them away from MY land, but one of those deer just snorted at me.

We went back in, and I took a little nap with my happy full tummy although I was feeling jumpy about the deer invasion. Boss talked on the phone, sounding worried, and then she got out that bottle AGAIN and backed me into the corner AGAIN! We went out and played ball in the dark for a few minutes and then went for a little walk. The deer smell was blowing away, but I caught a whiff of an invasion of sneaky foxes. There could be thousands of them, and you can be sure they are up to no good. I ran barking to the far end of my yard with poor Boss hurrying after me looking out for the ice. I must enforce my borders from all the dangerous animals trying to come across. I hoped the ice would keep them away, but they just keep coming.

I’m so lucky that Boss feeds me well, besides being silly enough to let me steal food!

Onward, Food Thieves! umm – Foragers!