Downeast Dog News

Backyard Cookout

By Baxter | Jul 01, 2014

Over the years, I've given all sorts of advice on how to enjoy your humans’ cookout. I've suggested stealth, patience, and such brazen tactics as taking the food right off the grill. This summer let’s focus on the young humans. They are always fertile ground at these events. They come in three varieties, small, medium, and large.

The group of smallest humans is easily identified. Members of this group either sit on their parent’s lap or in a very tall chair- the lap – not worth your time. However, the tall chair can bring a veritable cornucopia of interesting tidbits your way. The portions are small, but the flavor can be quite good – especially when tenderized by the chair’s occupant.

This brings us to the middle group. There are two opportunities here: food placed on their plate by a parent that somehow finds its way under the table – and the jackpot: a plate left unattended. Members of this group are apt to jump up for no apparent reason and run off chasing one another like a bunch of, well, animals. A quick check of the immediate area around you, a swift sniff, and voilà, you’ve got the makings of a meal. Note: once it’s on the ground no one is going to take it away from you.

And finally the group called ‘teens.’ The males of this group are either banging on one another with their hands or they are talking to females. When they are engaged with females, their brains turn to something the consistency of moist dog food. You can climb up next to them, brush them aside, and start eating from their plates – they won’t notice. Long after you’ve slipped away, they’ll look back at the plate (still thinking about the females), see that it’s empty, and think they ate it all themselves.